This is one word that is bound to give even the bravest of brave a bit of a scare. It’s a spooky disyllabic word that quite frankly makes you want to die. Well, that’s if you’re on the receiving end (ghostee?).
It’s such a strange practice if you think about it - a social transgression that’s now somehow become a social norm. I’d imagine the long-dead founders who first made up the rules around acceptable societal behaviour to be endlessly turning in their graves each time a poor Earth soul is ghosted. So much for peace during their eternal slumber.
In general, we usually think about ghosting from a romantic viewpoint. If we played a round of a rapid-fire word association and Tinder was in the line-up, I’d be hard-pressed to not give in to the knee-jerk reaction of blurting out ghosting. A sad but true reality and yet this app still made well over $500 million last year. If the second word was humanity, at least we can understand why masochist comes to mind.
Anyways, before this starts taking a very weird turn, I was trying to get to the point that we more often than not think about ghosting in a dating sense, but it rightfully extends to just about every kind of relationship. Well maybe with family being the expectation, or at least in my case. I tried it and had the pleasant surprise of siblings show up unexpectedly at my door to confirm my existence. I’ve since learnt to never try that again.
Now I’m sure I could dredge up some internet definition of what ghosting is actually defined as but in essence, I’d say that it’s someone just not replying back to you. Like ever. Seemingly without any provocation or underlying cause. They just decide one day to cease all forms of communication in a relationship that was at one point thought to be mutually beneficial for a host of reasons.
It happens with recruiters who once upon a time had you pegged as their next commission but suddenly avoided all contact - after you’d already typed out the 700th draft of your resignation letter. It happens with friends who just stop returning your calls. Ok, I mean messages. Let's admit that nowadays a call is a unicorn-like phenomenon reserved strictly for birthdays. It happens with potential business associates who seem to disappear into thin air as all your calls go immediately to voicemail. Okay, this one may just have been you foolishly following the trail of breadcrumbs leading straight to a pyramid scheme so maybe we take this of the list.
Regardless, it doesn’t really matter who the ghosting happens with, the initial feeling of stunned disbelief and utter confusion which quickly sprouts into an unforgiving fit of rage which eventually melts into deep despondency remains the same. So many unanswered questions with so little possibility of you ever getting any answers. At least without racking up a criminal record.
Sorry, it’s going to weird place again.
Now I don’t have any miracle list of tips and tricks to deal with ghosting but, having been on both sides of the tombstone, I think that one thing that really lends itself to acceptance and finally moving on from the whole tragedy is appreciating all that the relationship gave you.
Maybe it was a straight-out-of-a-movie road trip that you’ll always remember. Maybe it’s a sense of encouragement to always be authentic when it comes to your dreams and wishes. Or maybe it was an awareness that Cancerians just aren’t for you. Whatever it is, I’m sure if you take a moment to look past the hazy rage you’ll hopefully find something of value in the debris of that long lost (and never to be found again) relationship.
References